How to Love: Defining Love

Every human being wants to experience love; we want to show love and be loved.

Even Adolf Hitler, who many considered to be a loveless human being, wanted to love. He married his lover Eva Braun, he loved to paint, and he loved his dogs.

It doesn’t matter where someone comes from, who they are, or what they have done, every human being has a need to express love.

But why is that? And what exactly is love anyways? What role does it play in our lives? And how can we better show it?

Defining Love

Love has played a big role in human culture. It has been a central element to many stories told, many songs have been inspired by it, and everyone has had an encounter with it at least once during their life. Everyone experiences love differently; which is why love holds so many different meanings.

People have used the word love to describe anything from a simple liking, to a sexual act, or even a deity. Most people use it to describe a positive emotion of affection and caring.

When it comes to love, there is no doubt that it is many things. One could even go as far as to say it’s the reason why we’re here.

Regardless of its many definitions, the fundamental meaning of love stays the same: to love, means to connect. In all the various meanings of love, you are choosing to make a connection.

Choose Your Love Wisely

As with the rest of your life, you have a choice. You have full control over what to connect with and what to disconnect from. You get to decide if you want to grow a connection or not. You get to choose what you want to love.

Do you want to connect with entertainment media, or do you want to connect more with friends and family? Do you want to keep your current job, or do you want to connect with another industry? Do you want to continue developing your romantic relationship, or start a new one?

It is up to you to decide who and what you want to connect with.

Connect to Love

It’s only when you start to consciously choose what and who you want to connect with that you will create more loving and lasting relationships. If the relationships in your life always leave you feeling drained, then it’s likely that your relationships grew out of unconscious choices.

If you want to take the first steps to increase love in your life, all you have to do is make conscious decisions. Until you consciously decide, you will just dangle from one superficial connection to another.

Beyond Connecting – Developing

So you made a conscious choice, now what? Now you need to continue to develop your connection. This can be hard work, but when you decide to continuously develop a connection, it can become a source of great happiness, growth, love and more.

It can be hard work to put in the effort to visit someone who lives far away, rather than just call them; it can be difficult to admit you were mistaken when you make an error; it takes courage to continue to do what you love when life throws obstacles your way; but if you continue to develop a connection, whether it’s emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, or a combination of these, then you will continue to create a deeper love.

Most people are afraid to connect on such a deep level. Maybe because they’re really afraid of exposing themselves, of being hurt, of failing, or perhaps some other reason. In reality, the more you open yourself up, the more of an opportunity you will have to let love grow in your heart.

I have found that the easiest way to be more receptive to love is to first develop a connection with your heart. When you develop a relationship with your true self, then the love and passion that is in you will naturally flow from you to other people.

Then you will find yourself being a source of love, instead of being dependent on others for it. When you are able to create that for your life, others will in turn want to give back to you the same love you give them–and being in such a system of natural exchange, can be a source of great happiness.

Follow Your Heart – Questions and Answers

What if “following my heart” leads to disastrous or unwanted results?

The problem that most people have when they first decide to follow their hearts is that they are fearful. Their minds fill up with all sorts of illogical thoughts of what could happen. Fear paralyzes them and they become stuck in the same place without ever taking any action.

We are all naturally fearful of what is new. Fear is a natural biological response that serves as a mechanism to heighten our senses during new experiences.

Sometimes I like to test my own fear by turning off the lights to my house; it always feels as if there is something standing right behind me but there never is when I turn the lights back on. This little experiment always reminds me that it’s not a good idea to base my decisions on just fear.

Don’t let fear keep you from following your heart. You are smart enough to overcome any obstacle you encounter. Trust that your heart will lead you to happiness and the best path for you. Even if you make a mistake, you will learn from your experiences and grow.


What if following my heart leads to something non-beneficial like watching television all day?

When considering what you want to do in life, always pay attention to how you feel. Positive emotions are a great indicator of what your heart wants.

Suppose that you thought you really wanted to watch television all day, and you did so. Then at the end of it you felt worse than when you started. Those negative feelings are letting you know that television is not what is truly in your heart. Maybe what was truly in your heart was to be financially abundant.

Following your heart can only lead you to happiness; with any other results, then you’re probably not doing what truly is in your heart.

Don’t confuse the easy route with what your heart truly wants to do. The vast majority of the time following your heart will require you to step outside your comfort zone.


My wife, my boss, or my god wont let me follow my heart. What can I do?

People will want to hold you back because they’re also stuck in a rut. They might not want to see you go because they’re afraid you’ll forget about them. Sometimes people may also be envious to see that you’re able to live a happy life.

However, be assured that if you follow your heart, not only will happiness manifest in your life, but you’ll also inspire many others to do the same.

You may face opposition when you decide to follow your heart from friends, family, and even people you don’t know; but be strong and firm. Accept what is in your heart and go with it. You don’t have to explain it to anyone if you don’t want to.

Sometimes the only thing you can do is change your surroundings.

I used to attend church often, I had friends and family members who were also regular attendants. When I decided to stop going, my mother stopped talking to me and I lost some of my friends as well. When I left, I was very unhappy because my heart was no longer in alignment with my old world. The only thing to do was to leave and to find new friends who were more in alignment with who I was. Eventually I did find new people who were much more loving people and I was much happier because of it.


The technique of feeling to connect with my heart doesn’t work. What now?

This could be due to years of ignoring your heart. When you sit or stand in the wrong way, you cut-off circulation to a part of your body and then it becomes numb. The way to cure this is to shift your body to another position or move it around.

This is the same with your heart. When you live the wrong way (i.e., incongruently with your heart), it will become numb. You need to start moving it again. Try old things that you once used to love. Perhaps you liked to draw, try taking up drawing again. Or maybe you have wanted to learn to fly a plane but haven’t for whatever reason, then take up some flying lessons. You need to make some time for yourself and start moving your heart around again.  Do whatever it takes to reconnect with your heart. Dance, sing, live.